I have somehow found myself on a list for a blog that’s very disturbing, and from which I will remove myself. The writer of this blog appears to be committed to finding and presenting everything in life that could possibly demonstrate the dark side, the hopelessness and despair, the victimhood and powerlessness, and the anxiety about and hatred/fear of, well, pretty much everything, including women. I read the first post that arrived in my inbox and decided that maybe it was just a tough day for the writer, and that things would soon begin to sound better. But, no, no better, only worse.
I have asked myself how this individual sees a very different world that I do. I have had at least my share of pain, loss, violence, betrayal, rejection and other elements that seem to be part of the human experience, but yet I have not chosen to allow those experiences to shape my perspective. Life on earth is not easy, granted; but life in the soul-sucking land of despair and rage is much more difficult.
Often, it seems, people learn to believe that sorrow, anger, and despair are indications of greater depth than joy and hopefulness; that being joyful and focused on what IS working instead of what isn’t, is shallow and foolish, maybe even stupid and naïve. But the truth is that there is nothing noble, profound, or meaningful in a negative perspective. Remember that what we focus on grows to fill our entire view of life, and our view of life dictates how we perceive, interpret, and respond to everything in and around us. A negative perspective simply brings more (and often dangerous) negativity to a planet that doesn’t need more negativity.
“But are you suggesting that I ignore the difficult and sometimes tragic things going on around me? Shouldn’t I be aware of those things instead of pretending they don’t exist?” I can hear some asking. And, of course, I’m not suggesting ignorance of the things that make life on earth more challenging and even painful. Ignorance is only bliss until it catches up with us, and at that point we have to deal with what we’ve been avoiding, but by then it’s gotten even bigger and worse.
What I am suggesting is that there is always a “gift” in every situation, something to learn, to gain a better understanding of, to become more of the best version of ourselves as a result. We can always choose (and it is a choice) to find and focus on that gift while taking positive steps to address the things we know need to change within and around us. There is no contradiction here – recognizing the need for change and acting in a positive way to facilitate that change is where we find noble intention.
Psychologists often explain that 80% of our thoughts tend to be negative, and that the brain is wired to seek out the negative, perhaps a throwback to primitive times when we were surrounded by dangers, and awareness of those dangers was essential to our survival. However these are different times. Danger abounds, yes, but we are better equipped to handle and address those dangers, and constant vigilance and fear are not so necessary in order to thrive.
So maybe we could try an experiment for a week or so; maybe we could, instead of looking for and reacting to the negative in and around us, we could look for one thing of beauty, kindness, humor in each situation in which we find ourselves. Or maybe just one time each day- beauty, kindness, humor. The gift in every situation can heal and can become a new and much more meaningful way of life.
Give it a shot – you’ve got nothing to lost and perhaps a great deal to gain.
Woman Rising Strong 