It’s easy, and common, to blame our feelings and the general state of our lives on other people or on our circumstances, easy and an effective way to avoid taking responsibility for what we’re experiencing.
But the truth is that the things that happen to us only have the meaning we give to them. And there are numerous ways we can choose (and it IS a choice) to interpret our situation and respond to that
situation. The way we choose to understand determines how we will respond and what we will make of that situation. And the way we choose to respond determines how we feel. So, it really is all in your head.
Case in point – a while back a large organization hired me to work with very high level individuals who were about to be laid off due to a merger. These were people who had been with the organization for many years, and who were in some cases over 50 and possibly headed for a long and challenging job search process. One day the first gentleman I worked with had been there for 18 years and had risen to a very high Director level. He had a large mortgage and 3 kids, 2 of whom were in college with expensive tuition expenses. When I asked how he was doing after having been notified that he was no longer employed, his response was “How do you think I’m doing? I spent almost 20 years there, gave them my time and my skills and most of my life. And this is the thanks I get. I’ll probably lose my house and my wife will probably leave me. They have ruined my life; I should go back there and shoot all of them”. Fortunately he didn’t do that.
The next man who came in to work with me (same basic situation, Director position with 18 years with the company, mortgage, car payments, kids in college), in response to the same question (“how are you doing?”) responded very differently. “I’m feeling great! For the first time in years I slept through the night, woke up feeling good and relaxed, and I can’t wait to get started creating the next stage of my life! I haven’t been happy there for a while but I didn’t have the motivation to leave, and now they’ve helped me move on and with a year of severance to boot! I should write these guys a thank you note!”
This is a great example of the power we have to make what we want of whatever we are facing. These 2 gentlemen were in pretty much the same situation; but one chose to see it as a disaster, and the other as an opportunity. The only difference was in how each one chose to interpret the circumstances, and therefore how to respond to them.
This applies to all of us, no matter what life throws at us. There is always a choice available to us. A good question, when facing something that could be difficult, even painful if we allow it, is “How can I use this situation to move myself forward? There’s an opportunity here somewhere, and I will find it.”
In the above example, the first guy said “there’s nothing I can do; I’m a victim, I have no power”. The second guy said “Wow! I can use this time to figure out what I want to do next. What a great and unexpected opportunity and I will make good use of it.” Same circumstance, different mindset. And the mindset of each of them shaped the next part of their lives.
We can choose (and, again, it IS a choice)a perspective that fills and overwhelms us with fear, anger, anxiety, and resentment; or we can choose to view life in a way that invites peace, joy, love, and a parade of new and meaningful experiences and relationships. At each moment we are at a choice point, and it’s all up to us. Again, you are in control.
So it really is in your head. How do you choose to see your life? How do you want to feel? The two are deeply connected, and you get to decide.
Woman Rising Strong 