Women are born jugglers. We juggle family and career, work and recreation, our own health and caregiving for others, and we do a remarkable job….. until we step over the line between multi-tasking and burnout.
Typically, men are wired to focus on one thing at a time until it’s done; women, though, come into life with the ability to be everywhere at once, address everyone’s needs simultaneously, and handle several things at the same time. This innate talent has, historically, made us the glue that holds families and organizations together.
However, this extraordinary skill can be both a blessing and a curse. Because we are able to do numerous things at once, the tendency is often to take on more than is healthy or effective. After all, we know we can handle it, so why not?
Taking on too much means spreading ourselves so thin we can’t be fully present in anything (and partial presence leads to partial results), and no matter what we’re doing, even sex, a part of us is thinking about the other things we need to do. “Too much” means staying so busy there’s no time to replenish the energy we put out each day; it means being pulled in many directions and feeling anxious and out of control; it means losing sight of our own passion, of who we are and what we want because we’re so focused on what everyone else wants from us. And it can even mean giving ourselves away in the interest of someone else’s needs, goals, or dreams and paying a dangerous emotional, physical, and spiritual price.
We burn the candle at both ends when:
*our choices are motivated by fear (“there isn’t enough, and I must constantly do more or I won’t be safe;” “I can only feel good enough if I’m always productive” “If I say ‘no’, I’ll lose my job or someone will stop
loving me or some other bad thing will happen”)
and/or
*we are unfocused and scattered, without a well-defined goal.
Both of the above can result in depression, anxiety, and the feeling of spinning your wheels faster and digging a deeper hole. Fortunately, with a strong commitment to yourself, all this can be changed. There are several keys to maximizing your potential while living a peaceful, passionate, and even joyful life:
1. Do a self-respect check. People whose self-respect is shaky often feel like doormats for others. Loving and respecting yourself will result in healthy boundaries and the ability to say “no” without guilt.
2. Set a goal for yourself, and create an action plan to reach it. If you’ve been burning your candle at both ends, chances are much (if not most) of your time and energy have been focused on other peoples’ goals. While you will always spend some time helping others create what they want, it’s unwise to put your own life on hold. By moving toward a goal of your own, you shift your focus from meeting someone else’s expectations to honoring yourself.
3. Combine “busy” and “balanced”. “Busy” often means out of control, and over-committed. Being busy can feel noble, as if our lives have more meaning when every minute is committed somewhere; in truth, however, busy can simply indicate that we don’t know when or how to say “no”, and our effectiveness has probably been diminished. “Busy but balanced” means we have chosen where to put our attention and energy, and we are wise enough to value and nurture all aspects of our lives equally.
Remember what happens to anything that loses its balance – eventually it crashes.
4. Live with intention. Without intention, life feels arbitrary and we feel powerless. Living without intention means living passively, hoping you can make the best of whatever happens rather than deliberately creating what you want.
When you set an intention, things begin to fall into place with purpose. Living an intentional life puts you in control.
5. Get clear about your values and beliefs. When you aren’t clear about what matters to you it’s easy to get pulled off track. Values create a structure within which you can make effective choices. Negative
values and beliefs, however, prevent you from living a rewarding life. If yours fall in the negative category, it’s time to replace them with those that support what you really want.
6. Live congruently. Make sure your actions, words, and values are aligned. When you say something you don’t mean, or take action that’s not congruent with who you are, you undermine your own credibility,
not only in the eyes of others but, most importantly, in your own.
7. Look for the gift. What you focus on is what you’ll get more of. When you choose to look for and focus on the positive elements in a situation, fears and negative thoughts can’t get a foothold.
Susan Schachterle is Director of The Ahimsa Group, assisting individuals and organizations to work and live with extraordinary success.
For information about her work with women Susan can be reached at womanrising7@gmail.com
Woman Rising Strong 